If you’re looking to reinvigorate your sex life, read on for plenty of suggestions about how you can go about it.
Most of us blossom when we are praised. We also open up and are willing to be more vulnerable and take bigger risks. When it comes to sex, feeling safe is one of the main reasons people open up and live out their fantasies.
Hearing you are desired also makes you feel desirable, which in turn turns you on.
In everyday life, try complimenting your partner—both on general things and things you think are hot. When in the bedroom together, be sure to praise their body, tell them how much they turn you on, and let them know how sexy they are.
In long-term relationships, we often forget this aspect when we start to take each other for granted and stop the compliments. Don't.
What does spicing up your love life look like to you and your partner?
What are the things that turn you on? What are the things you're doing in the bedroom that you enjoy? What are other things that you would like to try? Those are excellent questions to ask yourself.
It's only when we know what we want that we can ask for it. Sometimes we get into routines and forget to explore new paths. We think we know ourselves, but really, we've stopped asking questions, exploring and growing. When you grow and explore new things, it becomes exciting.
To spice up your love life, do an inventory of where you are and where you'd like to be. Ask your partner to do the same.
Out of ideas? Get some books and read articles online. Trying new things doesn't have to involve strange positions in bed (not everyone enjoys twisting themselves into a knot), or something that seems way too kinky for your comfort zone. It could be something as simple as a tantra breathing exercise with your partner or giving a massage with a happy ending.
Discuss your sex life in a productive manner
When telling your partner you want to explore something new, also share that you already appreciate what you have. You're simply excited to share even more with them. Be sure neither one of you looks down on the other because of their wants and needs. And rather than saying a firm no to something, compromise with what you are willing to try. By all means, set boundaries, but find ways where you can please your partner and still keep those boundaries!
You and your partner must both feel safe expressing what you want. You're there to please each other while also staying true to who you are. Scathing comments about the other person's sexual desires or your current sex life is a recipe for disaster. Be understanding and open-minded.
What gets you in the mood?
Does a date night where you get to dress up make you feel sexy? Or a hot bath? Maybe going for a run so that your blood is pumping is what gets you in the mood? Or perhaps it's sexy lingerie?
Setting the scene can be important to get both parties in the mood. Being tired, stressed, rushing from one thing to the next - none of that is likely to make you want to have sex. So set time aside to do things that lead to sex.
Are you looking for date night ideas in general? Here are ten fun date night ideas.
Check-in on your emotions
Women, famously, don't want sex if they feel emotionally unfulfilled. In "Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus," John Gray talks about this. That's why it's so important to go on date nights, give each other gifts, sit down and talk at times when you are both fully engaged in the conversation, praise one another, and help each other out with different things.
Another thing that can help uplift the relationship is doing new things together to feel that you grow and develop—avoiding stagnation and fostering growth.
Of course, reading relationship books and implementing the learnings can also help!
Indulge in aphrodisiacs
The number one most likely thing to improve your libido is your health. When you eat well, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and take care to lead a balanced life where you set time aside for enjoyment, you tend to have a higher libido.
If you don't get the nutrients you need or feel sluggish because you don't exercise, your libido will be low. Therefore, getting your overall life in shape is the number one thing for a healthy sex life!
We spoke to Justin Hancock, a sex educator for young people and adults, who had this to say on noticing changes: "When our sex lives feel a bit stuck, it's easy for that to become our story. This story is also reinforced by the wider social stories we have such as 'desire fades over time' or 'older people have less sex'. Added to this are the very ageist stories in society which reinforces the idea that it's only people of a certain age, who look a particular way, who are allowed to have sex.
"We might monitor and discipline ourselves with these very same stories without realising that they are just stories, and stories don't have to be true. So instead of telling yourself the story of why you are stuck, look for examples of where you aren't stuck. Give gentle and careful attention to parts of your non-sex life where there is change, growth, excitement, fantasy. How do you do that? What kinds of qualities do you bring to bear to enable this to become in other aspects of your life. Now imagine that you are able to bring these qualities to bear in your sex life. In rich detail, imagine what that might look, and sound like. How might your other half respond? How do you respond back?"
Sexy things to try
Below is a sum-up of some of the above and a few other sexy tips and tricks you can try to reinvigorate your sex life:
- Text your partner to tell them you are thinking of making love to them before you see them.
- Talk to your partner about all the things you find sexy about them—compliment them inside and outside the bedroom.
- Read erotic books together with your partner.
- Show your partner an article about something you wish to try, such as a tantra exercise or a specific sex trick.
- Be sure to touch your partner throughout the day.
- When seeing your partner, drop little hints about what you'd like to do to them next.
- Give each other massages.
- Take hot baths or showers together.
- Do things that get you in the mood—be that candlelit dinners or wearing sexy clothes.
- Find out what it is you'd like to explore in the bedroom and ask your partner to do the same.
- Do things together that improve your overall relationship—get those warm and fuzzy feelings going.
- Do things to improve your health and, thereby, enhancing your libido.
- Read books and articles to find out new things to try in the bedroom that you'll both enjoy.
- Have an open conversation about what you'd like to try in the bedroom.
If you're also looking to put the magic back into your relationship, have a read of this article
How to reinvigorate your sex life: Your questions answered
What do older men like in bed?
Everyone is different, although older guys love to be made to feel good and as if you really want and desire them.
Is a lousy sex life the sign of bigger problems in my relationship?
Not necessarily. Every relationship is different, including when it comes to sex!
However, if you feel like your relationship has fallen into a rut, there are many things you can do to put the magic back into it.
Can I have a healthy sex life in a long-distance relationship?
Of course! As with any relationship, the success of a long-distance relationship - and your sex life as part of that - depends on the boundaries you set for yourselves and how you agree to pursue your relationship. Of course, a long-distance relationship may mean you have sex less often, but if that works for you, then great!